Tyrion’s rejection of the plea deal Jaime had arranged for him has led to Tyrion’s invoking his right to clear his name through trial by combat. Of course, Jaime’s pissed about this but Tyrion says he really can’t imagine a life at the Wall for a crime he and his father Tywin Lannister know he did not commit, namely the regicide of perpetual brat King Joffrey.

Hoping Bronn will once again champion his cause, Tyrion wonders aloud who his sister Cersei will name as her champion. Of course, we need not wonder for long as she has named the Mountain, one of Westeros’ most formidable knights, as her flag-bearer in the upcoming trial.

Arya and Sandor Clegane come upon a gravely wounded older man and, once again, we’re given an insight into Arya’s very existential, sociopath-esque view of life and death. Of course, Arya has endured an extreme amount of tragedy in her life, but then again so have her brothers and Sansa yet they are not so coldly rational when it comes to matters concerning life, death, and the foibles of existence. This trend in her character will only continue as the series proceeds, likely making her an assassin par excellence.

Sandor is attacked by a random group of men and is bitten on the neck. He refuses to let Arya treat the wound and, foreshadowing, dictates, this isn’t a wise decision. His fear of fire, of course, is the reason he does not want his wound to be sanitized. Arya kills the second man whom she recognizes from her earlier captivity. So, one minute we’re discussing life and death, the next minute she’s putting her philosophy into action.

“You’re learning.” Sandor Clegane

Mance’s army is bearing down upon the Wall and internal politics is stymying  Jon Snow’s effort to organize the defense of the Wall. Jon Snow suggests sealing the tunnel by filling it with water to freeze it closed. His efforts rejected, he can’t help but feel frustrated, especially since Jon Snow knows first-hand exactly what the Brothers of the Night’s Watch are facing when Mance Rayder’s army arrives.

Tyrion is disappointed to learn, although neither he nor the audience should be shocked, that Bronn is engaged to Lollys Stokeworth, the younger sister of the heir to Castle Stokeworth. Of course, Bronn intimates that his betrothed will become the heir through her older sister’s untimely death. Long story short, Cersei has bought Bronn off in his entirety and Tyrion is without options.

“I suppose I’ll have to kill the Mountain myself.” Tyrion Lannister

Dany gets seduced by Daario. If you didn’t see that one developing then you have been passed out during most of their scenes together like most of the world. Don’t worry about it. So far nothing interesting.

Ser Friend Zone discovers Daario exiting Dany’s chambers the morning after and lectures her about his deceptive nature, etc. This line never works with anyone with a sense of adventure, and she certainly has a sense of adventure. She’s only subjected multiple cities at this point.

“They can live in my new world or they can die in their old one.” Daenerys Targaryen

Brienne and Pod meander along until they decide they should go to the Vale in hopes that the Stark girls have taken refuge with their aunt, Lysa Arryn.

Tyrion is visited in the dungeon by Prince Oberyn, where he agrees to be Tyrion’ champion after a long dialogue in which Oberyn recounts Cersei’s long history of hating Tyrion and his need to avenge his sister Elia and her children whom the Mountain allegedly murdered.

Back in the Vale, Sansa is trapped with crazy aunt Lysa and odd cousin Robin and “uncle” Petyr. I’d probably jump through the Moon Door if I were her at this point but she perseveres. Sansa builds an expertly crafted, wholly implausible replica of Winterfell out of the snow that has fallen on the Eyrie. Robin messes it up accidentally and one thing leads to another and Sansa slaps him. As Petyr Baelish tells her, it is likely the first time he has ever struck in his life.

Petyr takes this opportunity to make a move on Sansa and sneaks in a kiss and, lo, who would be creeping in the background? Crazy aunt Lysa. Prepare for some fun in the Eyrie, eh?

Of course, Lysa requests a meeting with Sansa and, naturally, it is around the Moon Door. That’s not hostile at all. Lysa begins to describe what happens to people thrown through the Moon Door and we quickly know where this is going.

Lysa attempts to murder Sansa by pushing her through the Moon Door all while recounting the people she has had to overcome in order to be with Lord Baelish. Littlefinger talks the crazy aunt down and she releases Sansa.

“I have only loved one woman… only one… my entire life… your sister.” Petyr Baelish

Thankfully, we won’t be hearing from aunt Lysa ever again, as her first and only trip out the Moon Door at Petyr’s hand insures her insanity and inanity will no longer hamper whatever Machiavellian plans Littlefinger is concocting.

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